Black Friday rox!

So, I've finally done it! After contemplating for some time, I talked to my bf's sister and mom and they said, okay we might do it tomorrow.

So this morning, got up (to a lazy and slow start tho coz i took too long to get ready), Becky and I went to Best Buy, then to Target, then to the mall before going back to Best Buy to meet her mom there. We looked at some computers, then decided to go home.

Overall, I have to say I am quite pleased with what I ended up buying. I got a few dvds and some clothes, was gonna get boots but omg they didnt hv it in my size wtf. This is the 3rd country I tried to buy boots in and dammit I couldnt make it happen too. sobs. We found one but i wasnt like in love with it, so it was a no go for me.

BUT I am very very excited, coz there's a chance we might go to an outlet mall next wk OMG i know, hyperventilating right! But we'll see how that go.

I am contemplating getting a netbook tho. It might be a good idea. It is smaller and I dont hv to lug the vaio with me each time I need to get work done at school and when i jump on the plane. But I dont know. It's a huge pruchase, almost a grand, so I might wanna sit on that one for a bit longer.

Anyways, Happy Eidul Adha to all Muslim frens, and Happy Thanksgiving to the American friends!!!

Time to choose..

A couple days ago, my head was clouded by many different emotions. I was happy, sad, upset, angry, confused. I wanted to decide, but I couldn't. And as the boyfriend had said, I'm a 'long-decision-maker" which, in order word means I take super long to decide even on the most mundane simple things, like a hot choc with caramel or hot choc with cream. The simplest thing can become very tedious and hard just coz I think or mull over it too much.

But this time around, it's not something to be tossed around like a cheap rubber ball. Because this time, it is related to the ppl I love, ppl who matter to me, and ppl I dont ever want to have to choose. Because despite everything, I care a lot about them, I want them to be happy and I want them to be happy with me.

But after thinking about it, after contemplating like an old aunty, I think, I might have come to a decision. And based on the way I acted today, while on the trip with my Year 6 kids, I think I know what I'm going to do.

Some might say I am selfish, some might say good for you, too bad for him/them, but whatever it is, like what I always believe in, whatever I do, i'll be the one taking the hit when the time comes. So let me deal with it. I might come and whine to you about it, but at the end of the day, I'll be the one taking the hit. I am the who has to live with this. I am the one who has to live with myself, each day, everyday.

I know whatever I decide, someone will feel sad, someone will feel hurt, someone will feel like I don't care about them. That is not the matter. That is not even something they should be thinking about. I care a lot about them, and I want everyone to be happy.

But like the boyfriend said, that is not possible. That is just ain't going to happen, because we do not live in movies. He's been good. He's been very supportive, he's been very understanding. I just wish the parentals can see that. We will pray for that day to come. Someday. I dont know when, but someday I hope.

My mind feels a bit clearer, heart feels a bit lighter, and happier too. It's good to get out of this smothering city, where work lurks around every corner, where depression hits on a daily basis, when you have to deal with the unfamiliar each day. It's good to go back to what was once comfort, see familiar faces, joke about familiar things. It's refreshing to go see something that I used to know so well and is still the same and yet so different somehow.

I'm so glad I went on this trip. It helped me think clearly, and even though I know my decision will hurt someone, it is most unfortunate. I have to decide. Sooner or later, I have to decide. There is no point in putting it off anymore. I have not the time, I have not the means. I cannot simply take off, I cannot simply stay put. I cannot not do anything. Even by doing nothing means I am doing something.

So I will decide. In the next couple of days, I suppose. Well, I think I already have decided, just want to mull it over again. Just to be sure.

Being an adult is not easy, you know.

maybe-ness.

Maybe the time for fighting is about to pass. Maybe it is time to accept, that sometimes what we wish for isn't going to happen. Maybe it is time to tell myself that this is about to be over.

Move over, Moon, someone else is taking your place.

NEWSSSS!

Someone is getting engaged!!!!!

Will tell more, but til then, be very, very, very patient =)

Serving them on silver spoons?

It was the first day for UPSR today. I was one of the chosen ones sent out to invigilate the exam at a school nearby. Even though it was a bit further away, I left home about ten minutes before the time and still got there on time hehe Blame it on the last minute bad habit of mine.

Saturday night, around 2am, received an SMS, well make that a few sms from someone I knew in the education field. The next day I received a similar SMS.

Wondering what the SMSs are all about?

You're right.
'Spot' questions. They're rampant. I probably have received more than ten, and of course each is different. So, I guess it just goes to say well, maybe we shouldnt really rely on them.

It also made me think:
What values are we teaching our kids, by telling them these questions? It's like giving the questions out before the actual exam, with the hope that it will make it easier for them during the exam itself. Why? All for the one reason: so the school will have a better exam result, preferably to top the previous year's. I understand the rationale behind those who decide to really help out their students to that extent, but I also wonder what the effects would be in the long run.

Our education system is so exam-oriented that kids would beg me to teach them techniques to help them when answering the questions. They are not really interested in reading stories and having games in the class because they are not in the forms that will appear in the question papers. They are more interested in doing exercises after exercises hoping that more practice will make them perfect users of English.

But when kids fail to respond to you in English when you ask simple questions to them during class time, but delivers A each time they sit for their exams, it makes you wonder what sort of students we are producing in our schools these days. They are shy, reluctant sometimes bordering to downright unresponsive little robots when asked a question in English. Even though they have the knowledge and the vocabulary to be able to use simple sentences, most of them refuse, because they are afraid of making a mistake when they speak. But without practice, how will they improve?

And of course, our school-based oral assessment for primary school has quite a loose system when awarding grades. As long as the pupil/student is able to converse or say a few words in English, they are considered okay. Even the ones who can't speak or respond to simple questions, they will be awarded a D, not a fail. I am not saying we should fail them, but if they do not have the abilities needed, shouldnt they be considered a failure case?

And before exams, we prepare the pupils by making them answer countless exam-based questions. These kids will tick and circle and underline and write lines of sentences, but they make the same mistakes. Some still do not use the right punctuation when writing, and are still confused over the simple rules of the English grammar, like when to use the Present Tense and Past Tense, and of course the always confusing, Present Continuous Tense. And most, are lazy readers. They do not read and yet they expect to have a wide vocabulary by the time they sit for UPSR. Who are we kidding here. These kids are not only delusional, they are unrealistic. But is it really their fault?

A recent incident highlighted exactly this; where a teacher explicitly told students the pictures/questions that will come out in the exam. And of course, the number of As rose like the thermometer on a warm day. I was not pleased when I found out, because I do not believe in teaching them to cheat. I do not believe in feeding them everything on a silver spoon, because we had to work our asses off to be where we are today.

Why can't we spoon-feed them, you might ask? Because when we do that, we are teaching them to wait and expect hand-outs. We are teaching them to not think on their own two feet. I mean, they obviously will not if we give them the exam questions beforehand, served on a silver tray. Make that gold if you like. We are teaching them what they have learned for the past six years of their primary education, means nothing because what is important is what will come out in the exam. We are teaching them hard work and perseverance do not pay, because at the end of the day, the ones with the 'inside information' will get the As and score a gazillion load of As.

On the other hands, it also made me wonder. The Malaysian Education System used to produce really great students. Somewhere along the way, something went wrong. What, and how do we make it right again?

On another note, good luck to all Year 6 kids. May what you have studied for the past six years will help you during those 40/50/75 minute exams you have to sit for the next two days.

Sleep is good. Yawn.

its back to the grind, people! i am so lazy lazy lazy. The week holiday pretty much was spent on SLEEPING which I LOVE LOVE LOVE doing since i dont get to do it much during school weeks, and of course, watching endless CSIs. I dont know what is it with me and the show but i LOVE them. Esp the LV and Miami ones. The NY one is not such a huge favourite, but i'd watch it if its on.

Anyways, I got home yesterday and spent half the day doing laundry *reminder - iron clothes for the week later!* and hv to finish marking papers and do that piece on Van Gogh. But what did i do this whole day? I SLEPT!

Yes. I slept. Like a log. on and off. OMG, its almost 830pm and i hvnt even left the hse to do anythng haha i pretty much spent it in my comfy room and zzzz the day away. Lucky i got food to break fast with so it wasnt such a problem. I left my car at school, which meant that I would hv to get it tmrw. Blergh.

But, it was a good break nonetheless. I love love love spending time w my cuzs. It's been so long since we all spent time together, due to us all living working studying in different places. I didnt come back last Nov, coz i was in the US of A! And everybody came back so it was quite an awesome experience seeing everyone all grown up and doing their own things.

Anyways, family puzzles me sometimes but nothing beats being around people who hv known you since ure a little baby with snot on ur face haha

Hv a great September - bf was so sweet, wrote me a short email, probably sneaked around doing it coz he was at work haha but it was sweet nonetheless. Cant wait for the break to come - i wanna see him something bad!

Heart you guys, talk soon.


Have a great Independence Day and love yourself!

Halal

a part of the 15 Msian short films by P1. Check it out. Pretty funny stuff they got there.